Truthfulness

If Humility teaches us to bow, Loyalty teaches us to stand, Courage teaches us to move forward, and Positive Living teaches us how to meet life with an open heart, then Truthfulness asks us to look honestly at the person who is doing all of this living. Truthfulness is where the spiritual journey becomes very personal. It asks us to stop hiding from ourselves.

The ancient Eastern teachings understood that truth is much more than simply not telling a lie. In the yogic and Hindu traditions, satya—truthfulness—is a fundamental discipline. In Buddhism, truthfulness and right speech are essential to the path. The Bhagavad Gita places truth among the divine qualities and teaches that speech should be truthful, beneficial, and spoken with care.

There is a great difference.

A person can tell the truth occasionally and still live a dishonest life. We can be honest about the price of something and dishonest about our intentions. We can tell someone what happened while leaving out the part that makes us look bad. We can tell the truth about another person's behavior while carefully avoiding the truth about our own.

The ego is very clever at this.

It wants the truth when the truth makes us look good.

It wants excuses when the truth exposes us.

It wants to remember what others did to us while forgetting what we have done to them.

It wants to see our intentions as pure and someone else's intentions as questionable.

This is why one of the most difficult forms of truthfulness is being truthful with ourselves.

Can we look in the mirror without defending ourselves?

Can we admit when we have been selfish?

Can we recognize when our words have hurt someone?

Can we admit that our anger was not justified?

Can we acknowledge that jealousy influenced us?

Can we see that our pride prevented us from apologizing?

Can we recognize that we have been blaming someone else for something that we helped create?

This kind of honesty requires courage.

It also requires humility.

And that is why the Seven Power Virtues are connected. We cannot truly separate them. Humility prepares the heart to see the truth. Courage gives us the strength to face it. Positive Living keeps us from turning that truth into self-condemnation. Loyalty asks us to remain faithful to what we discover.

Truthfulness is not about beating ourselves up.

It is about becoming free.

We cannot change what we refuse to see.

If I cannot admit that I have a problem, I cannot begin to solve it. If I cannot admit that I have hurt someone, I cannot sincerely apologize. If I cannot recognize that a habit is damaging me, I cannot honestly begin to change it.

There is a tremendous freedom in no longer having to maintain a false version of ourselves.

When we lie, we have to remember the lie.

Then we have to remember who we told it to.

Then we have to remember what version of the story we told someone else.

One lie often requires another lie to protect the first one.

Soon we are carrying an entire structure of deception.

Truth simplifies life.

When our words, thoughts and actions begin to agree with one another, something happens inside us. We become less divided. We do not have to constantly protect an image. We do not have to worry about being discovered. We can simply be who we are, while continuing to work on who we are becoming.

That is spiritual freedom.

The power of our words also changes when we become truthful.

A person's words should have weight.

When you say, "I will do it," people should be able to believe you.

When you say, "I love you," it should mean something.

When you apologize, it should not simply be a strategy to end an argument.

When you make a promise, it should carry the energy of your commitment.

When you speak about another person, your words should not be shaped by gossip, jealousy or the desire to make yourself look better.

A truthful person does not need many words.

The words themselves have power because they can be trusted.

This is one of the reasons the ancient teachings placed such importance on speech. The Buddha's teaching on Right Speech specifically warns against lying, divisive speech, harsh speech and empty chatter. The Bhagavad Gita similarly describes disciplined speech as truthful, beneficial and not needlessly disturbing.

This does not mean that we must say everything we think.

That is not truthfulness.

Sometimes silence is wiser than speech.

Sometimes we need time to understand what we actually feel before speaking.

Sometimes a fact may be true but the way we present it may be cruel, self-serving or intended to wound.

Truth should never become another weapon of the ego.

There are people who pride themselves on being brutally honest.

"I just tell it like it is."

But sometimes what they really mean is, "I use truth as an excuse to say whatever I want."

That is not spiritual truthfulness.

The higher teaching asks us to speak truth with love.

Truth without love can become harshness.

Love without truth can become dishonesty.

We need both.

This becomes especially important in marriage and intimate relationships.

A marriage cannot become deeply intimate if two people are constantly hiding from one another. Real intimacy requires the courage to be known. That means being honest about our feelings, our needs, our mistakes, our fears, our desires and our disappointments.

This does not mean saying every passing thought that enters our minds. It means creating a relationship where truth can be spoken without manipulation and where difficult truths can be heard without immediately becoming weapons.

A husband should be able to tell his wife what is really happening inside him.

A wife should be able to tell her husband what she truly feels.

Partners should be able to discuss money, sexuality, fears, aging, family responsibilities, disappointments and dreams without creating a world where one person has to constantly pretend.

Secrets have a way of creating distance.

Honesty creates the possibility of intimacy.

Sometimes the truth is uncomfortable. Sometimes it reveals something about the relationship that neither person wants to face. Sometimes it means admitting that we have not been the partner we promised to be.

But what is the alternative?

Pretending?

A relationship built on pretending may look peaceful on the outside while slowly dying within.

Truth gives love something solid to stand upon.

And sometimes truth requires us to correct ourselves.

This is one of the most important disciplines of a truthful life.

If I discover that something I believed was wrong, I should be able to say, "I was wrong."

If I discover that something I told you was inaccurate, I should be able to say, "I need to correct what I said."

If new information changes my understanding, I should not be ashamed to change my position.

Changing your mind when you discover the truth is not weakness.

It is integrity.

The ego often hates this. It believes that changing one's mind means losing.

The spiritual person understands that discovering truth is more important than protecting an opinion.

What matters is not that I am always right.

What matters is that I am committed to being truthful.

That distinction can transform our relationships.

It can also transform our spiritual lives.

There is a great deal of spiritual language in the modern world. People speak about enlightenment, manifestation, healing, energy, consciousness, awakening and higher dimensions. But spiritual language means very little if we are dishonest in our daily lives.

We can meditate for an hour and lie to our spouse.

We can attend a spiritual retreat and cheat someone in business.

We can talk about Oneness and still treat people we dislike as though they are less human than we are.

We can speak endlessly about Love while refusing to admit our own selfishness.

Truthfulness brings spirituality down from the clouds and places it directly into our behavior.

Who are we when nobody is watching?

What do we do when there is money on the table?

How do we behave when we are angry?

How do we speak about someone who is not present?

What do we do when admitting the truth could cost us something?

That is where our spiritual life is actually being lived.

Truthfulness also means being honest about our limitations.

We do not have to know everything.

We do not have to pretend to understand what we do not understand.

We do not have to pretend to be enlightened.

We do not have to pretend to be fearless.

We do not have to pretend that we have healed everything within ourselves.

There is enormous spiritual power in saying, "I don't know."

There is even greater power in saying, "I need help."

And there is tremendous freedom in saying, "I was wrong."

These simple words can dissolve years of ego.

The more truthful we become, the less energy we need to spend maintaining an image.

We become simpler.

More peaceful.

More trustworthy.

More authentic.

And perhaps more importantly, more capable of change.

Because truth is the doorway through which transformation enters.

This is why truthfulness must include our relationship with our own inner life. We need to examine our motives. Why did I say that? Why did I do that? Why am I angry? Why do I need this person's approval? Why am I afraid? Why am I trying so hard to be recognized?

Sometimes the answer will surprise us.

We may discover that what we called generosity was partly a desire to be praised.

We may discover that what we called loyalty was really fear of being alone.

We may discover that what we called spiritual conviction was actually pride.

We may discover that what we called forgiveness was simply avoidance.

These discoveries are not failures.

They are gifts.

They give us an opportunity to become more honest.

And the honest examination of ourselves does not have to become negative. This is where Positive Living protects Truthfulness from becoming self-attack. We can recognize a fault without becoming the fault. We can say, "I did something wrong," without saying, "I am a worthless person."

There is a difference between guilt and responsibility.

Guilt can keep us imprisoned.

Responsibility can set us free.

"I did this."

"I understand that it was wrong."

"I am sorry."

"I will try to make it right."

"I will do better."

That is the movement of truth toward healing.

Truthfulness also connects deeply with Loyalty.

If I give you my word, my word should be something you can trust.

If I promise to stand beside you, I should not disappear the moment it becomes inconvenient.

If I say I love you, my actions should support those words.

Our words create energetic agreements between human beings.

A promise is not merely a collection of sounds.

It is a commitment.

That is why we should be careful with our words.

Do not make promises casually.

Do not say "forever" when you only mean "for now."

Do not say "I forgive you" when you intend to punish someone later.

Do not say "I love you" simply because you are afraid of losing someone.

Let your words become sacred again.

Speak less.

Mean more.

The world does not need more words.

It needs more truthful words.

Truthfulness also requires courage when telling the truth may cost us something. We may have to tell a friend that we disagree. We may have to admit an error at work. We may have to speak up when something unethical is happening. We may have to tell a loved one that their behavior is hurting us.

Sometimes the truth changes a relationship.

But sometimes the truth saves a relationship that would otherwise slowly die beneath layers of dishonesty.

And sometimes the truth ends a relationship that should no longer continue.

Truth does not promise us comfort.

It promises us alignment with reality.

That is why the Buddhist understanding of truthfulness reaches beyond simply making accurate statements. Truthfulness is connected with bringing ourselves into accord with things as they actually are rather than the fantasies created by desire, fear or self-deception.

This is a profound spiritual teaching.

The ego creates stories.

Truth dissolves them.

The ego says, "I am this."

Truth asks, "Who are you really?"

The ego says, "I must protect myself."

Truth asks, "What am I protecting?"

The ego says, "I am separate."

Truth reveals Oneness.

The ego says, "I am right."

Truth asks, "What is real?"

And the deeper we go, the more we discover that Truth is not something we possess.

It is something we surrender to.

We do not own Truth.

We become servants of Truth.

That is an important difference.

When I believe I own the truth, I can become arrogant and judgmental. When I understand that I am seeking Truth, I can remain humble enough to keep learning.

This brings us back to the first Power Virtue.

Humility.

The humble person can hear something that challenges their beliefs.

The courageous person can examine it.

The truthful person can change when necessary.

The positive person can see the change as growth rather than defeat.

And the loyal person remains faithful to the search.

The virtues continue to circle back upon one another.

Truthfulness also prepares the way for Self-Control, the sixth Power Virtue. Once we become honest about our thoughts, desires, habits and impulses, we can begin to govern them. We cannot exercise self-control over something we refuse to admit exists.

Truth is the mirror.

Self-Control will be the hand that chooses what to do with what the mirror reveals.

But first we must be willing to look.

There is tremendous power in living without having to hide.

When our thoughts, words and actions begin moving in the same direction, something settles within us. We become less divided. We become more peaceful. Our relationships become more trustworthy. Our spiritual practice becomes more authentic.

We stop trying to convince people that we are something.

We simply become.

Perhaps that is one of the greatest gifts of Truthfulness.

It allows us to stop performing.

We can be imperfect and honest.

We can be growing and honest.

We can be uncertain and honest.

We can be wounded and honest.

We can be learning and honest.

We can say, "This is where I am today."

And then we can take the next step.

Truthfulness is not perfection.

It is alignment.

It is bringing the mind, the heart, the words and the actions closer together until there is less and less distance between who we say we are and how we actually live.

When our words ring with truth, people feel it.

When our promises can be trusted, people feel it.

When our apologies are sincere, people feel it.

When our love is honest, people feel it.

And when our lives become aligned with Truth, we feel it within ourselves.

There is less fear.

Less pretending.

Less hiding.

Less defending.

More peace.

More freedom.

More Love.

The Divine does not ask us to become perfect before we can approach it.

The Divine asks us to become honest.

Honest enough to see ourselves.

Honest enough to admit our mistakes.

Honest enough to change.

Honest enough to speak the truth.

Honest enough to listen when someone tells us a truth we do not want to hear.

And honest enough to recognize that beneath all our stories, identities and personal histories, there is something within us that cannot be destroyed by a lie.

There is the Divine.

There is the Light.

There is the Truth of our being.

And when we begin living from that place, our words become more powerful because they are no longer merely words.

They become reflections of who we are.

Humility teaches us to bow.

Loyalty teaches us to remain faithful.

Courage teaches us to stand.

Positive Living teaches us to keep our hearts open.

And Truthfulness teaches us to see clearly.

To speak clearly.

To live clearly.

To become trustworthy to ourselves and to others.

Because when we live in Truth, we no longer have to remember what we said.

We simply have to remember who we are.